saturday....
" Mama! Mamaaaaaaa! Mamaaaaaaaaaaghghghghgh! "
The house is burning down, right? Or one of my angels only has 9 fingers left? I mean...what else is a mama supposed to think when she hears that bloodcurdling cry from down the hallway?
I should have known better, though....after all, these are my children we're talking about here.
From the laundry room, where I was dutifully folding laundry (ahem), I tear through the house until I'm looking down the hallway towards The Boys room. There in his bedroom doorway I see both kids clutching each other....HUGGING each other in terror and emphatically pointing at the floor a few feet from where I'm standing.
" Kill it mama, Kill it! " (is it sick that in this moment I had the clarity of thought to note "so this is what it takes for them to show each other a little love...)
Anyway... there, sprinting down the hallway towards my innocent children is the LARGEST spider I've ever seen.... at least as big as my neighbours dog (and no, there's no point in arguing with me about this, in case you were wondering).
Now we're all screaming...and I realize I only have few seconds before it reaches them...and....and what? Before it turns in terror and runs the other direction...towards me..??!! So like any quick thinking mother, I grab my nearest weapon....a copy of The Essential Cuisines of Mexico (by Diana Kennedy, truly a great cookbook, by the way, but also immensely useful for dealing with rogue mutant arachnids).
(This is my chosen method of insect assassination... it doesn't require that you get all that close to them, and most importantly, you don't have to feel or hear that crunch....you know the one....ugh.)
And so, I hurl the book down the hallway where it lands squarely on top of the eight legged marauder. (I've gotten quite good at my technique over the years ). And (most importantly) where it still sits, several hours later.
I honestly don't know what my problem is.... I think part of me hopes that someone else will deal with the aftermath (maybe one of the kids, perhaps? or the Insect Carnage Fairy?). It's pretty awesomely bad though. More than once today, I walked down the hallway and caught myself muttering "dammit! who left this fricking book on the floor? If I have to pick up one more damn thing in this hou....oh....right....hm."
And there it sits. I'm staring at it as I type this....working up the nerve. Seriously, what's my problem?