a robyns nest

bribery....

 

Today was one of those days.  You know...one of those days.  We've all been sick, in one form or another, for several weeks now.  Lucky for us there seems to be a variety of viruses to catch this winter.   And minus H1N1, we've seen them all.  At the moment I can't hear out of one ear, and haven't been able to taste anything for over a week.  Good times.  Add to the list of complaints that today is Monday, historically not one of our greatest days as a family....and there you have it, the Perfect Storm.

So what did I decide to do with my sweet, adorable children today?  Why.....run errands of course.  I like to live on the edge.....either that or I'm just insane.  I prefer the first alternative.

It didn't take more than 5 minutes for the chaos to erupt in the  Bio-Hazard Zone.  You know the area I'm referring to...the one surrounding the car seats.  I have discovered new forms of life existing quite successfully under and around my kids car seats...a post for another time perhaps.  The point for today is that in less than 5 minutes the insults (and shoes) were flying in the back seat.

"Poo-poo head!"

"MAMA!  She called me a poo-poo head!"

"Dukie poo-poo butt!"

"MAMA!  He called me a dukie poo-poo butt!"

"Doodie butt face!"

"MAMA!......"

You get the idea.  I'll spare you the rest of the warm fuzzies.  Needless to say after the 3rd shoe went flying, I stopped the car on the side of the road.  In that instant I swear I possessed by my father...

" If you don't stop (insert inappropriate behavior of choice here) RIGHT NOW, I will TURN THIS CAR AROUND, and we WILL go home!!!!  Do you hear me??!"

Really, I swear.  I actually said it.  I know.....you're all shocked.

What's unfortunate in this situation, is that it wasn't actually an honest threat.  I NEEDED to get those errands done.  Turning the car around was not an option.  And my alien-possessed children knew it.  The silence lasted for less than 10 seconds before the insults and shoes were a-flyin' once again.

So what does a mother do in a situation like this?  The answer is obvious, really.  Bribery.  

Tap Tap....(is this thing on?)

Are you listening people?

BRIBERY.

In this specific instance....$1 crafts from Michaels, which happened to be just down the road from where we currently sitting in the still parked car.  My kids luuuuuuuuuv the $1 craft bins at Michaels.... merely mentioning it was enough to silence them.  Seriously.  It's like the sky opened up and suddenly a heavenly light was shining down upon us, sitting there on the side of the road.

And so, off we went.  First to Michaels, and then to finish our errands.  For the rest of the trip, there was only the crinkling of packaging from the two chosen $1 crafts.  And when we got home....more crinkling of packaging, and then, painting.

 

Sometimes, $2 is worth it. 

where the wild things are.....

 

(a small taste of our Halloween fun...)

mid-week inspiration...

Oooooo.. I NEED (as in, must have or I will DIE) one of these in my house!  As if I need anything else to distract me from the Halloween costumes that I should be sewing...ahem.  Here's a link to a pattern for the birdies....

i know, it's corny...

Almost as fun as sticking things up your nose....finding kernels of corn wedged behind your ears ranks pretty high too.  It's actually not that hard to accomplish, I've come to find out.  All it takes is some of this,

followed by a little of this,

followed by a sort of twisting and grinding motion.  Voila!

Corn angels are pretty fun too, and don't require the 30 minutes normally required to put on a snow suit.

(we were here, by the way.  SO much fun!)

saturday....

" Mama!   Mamaaaaaaa!  Mamaaaaaaaaaaghghghghgh! "

The house is burning down, right?  Or one of my angels only has 9 fingers left?  I mean...what else is a mama supposed to think when she hears that bloodcurdling cry from down the hallway?

I should have known better, though....after all, these are my children we're talking about here.

From the laundry room, where I was dutifully folding laundry (ahem),  I tear through the house until I'm looking down the hallway towards The Boys room.  There in his bedroom doorway I see both kids clutching each other....HUGGING each other in terror and emphatically pointing at the floor a few feet from where I'm standing.

" Kill it mama, Kill it! "  (is it sick that in this moment I had the clarity of thought to note "so this is what it takes for them to show each other a little love...)

Anyway... there, sprinting down the hallway towards my innocent children is the LARGEST spider I've ever seen.... at least as big as my neighbours dog (and no, there's no point in arguing with me about this, in case you were wondering).

Now we're all screaming...and I realize I only have  few seconds before it reaches them...and....and what?  Before it turns in terror and runs the other direction...towards me..??!!  So like any quick thinking mother, I grab my nearest weapon....a copy of The Essential Cuisines of Mexico (by Diana Kennedy,  truly a great cookbook, by the way, but also immensely useful for dealing with rogue mutant arachnids).

(This is my chosen method of insect assassination... it doesn't require that you get all that close to them, and most importantly, you don't have to feel or hear that crunch....you know the one....ugh.)

And so, I hurl the book down the hallway where it lands squarely on top of the eight legged marauder. (I've gotten quite good at my technique over the years ).  And (most importantly) where it still sits, several hours later.

I honestly don't know what my problem is.... I think part of me hopes that someone else will deal with the aftermath (maybe one of the kids, perhaps?  or the Insect Carnage Fairy?). It's pretty awesomely bad though.  More than once today, I walked down the hallway and caught myself muttering  "dammit!  who left this fricking book on the floor?  If I have to pick up one more damn thing in this hou....oh....right....hm."  

And there it sits.  I'm staring at it as I type this....working up the nerve.   Seriously, what's my problem?

wet poultry...

...sounds like a bad euphemism for something naughty, doesn't it?  As in,  "that's some nice wet poultry you've got there "...baaahahahaha!  okay, this digression can only go downhill from here .... on with today's ramblings.

After last nights rant, I felt like I owed you all a morning-after picture.  What's most hilarious to me about this pic is that when they're soaking wet, The Ladies are about half their normal size.  Talk about drowned rats...er...I suppose drowned chickens would be more accurate.

Oh, and seriously (for real? forealiously?), I feel like I have to mention that they DO have the option of staying dry and happy in weather like this.  I want you to know that chickens are some of the most stubborn creatures of habit I have ever met....they are choosing to be unhappy (and yes, as a matter of fact, I can tell when they're unhappy, thank you very much ).  Just in case anyone was thinking about reporting me to the SPCA....or whoever it is you call to report chicken-abuse.

a monday evening snapshot....

A good friend was kind enough to send me the 24 hour weather forecast for our area earlier this evening.....I'm paraphrasing (just a wee bit)...but basically it said  " GET OUTSIDE NOW!  TIE DOWN ANYTHING THAT MOVES, then go back inside and KISS YOUR ARSE GOODBYE!! "

You've got to understand something here....we just don't get weather in this neck of the woods.  We get 2 seasons....HOT, and RAIN.  Sometimes we get wind, but not the kind that earns itself an official weather advisory.

Naturally, the whole town is a-twitter about it..."Did you hear.....a monsoon....!!  No! Really? Yes...winds up to 60mph!"

After reading the advisory, yours truly decides that it's probably in her chickens best interest (you just knew this was going to be about the chickens ) NOT to sleep outside tonight.  The Girls have basically been feral all summer...sleeping wherever they want and as of late, laying their eggs wherever they want.  Of course, I make this decision at 7:30pm.  It's dark outside.  And they don't want to go inside their stuffy little coop.

And so my friends, I leave you with this image......me...chasing three previously sleeping, now delirious and uncooperative chickens around my backyard....in the DARK. 

Ungrateful little bitches..... ;)

Abstract...

The Boy and I attended a class this morning at a local art gallery...I should mention that this class was organized by a fellow homeschooling mama with a very  young baby...a heroic effort  when considering all the other things she has to take care of these days.  THANK YOU Jen :) 

The gallery has some great abstract pieces on display right now.  These were the guiding force behind the pieces the kids created later in the morning.

And of course, I had to get in on the action too....

Amazing what you can accomplish with some paint, yarn, and a little  glitter glue ;)

a snapshot of my day....

After battling a boy with a ....um..... a very selective palette all week, this is what we've been reduced to as we get ready to head off to a friends birthday party this afternoon:

The Boy:  "Mama.  Let me tell you my new rule."

The Mama:  "um.....okay, I'll hear it. "

The Boy:  "When I ask you for a cookie, you give me a cookie.  If you don't give me a cookie...I'm not getting dressed for the party."

The Mama: "Well, then I guess you're wearing your pajama's to the party...."

The Boy:  "Hmmm.  I'll think about it...."

( As I type this, he is still "thinking about it".  Somehow I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be updating this post later with a picture of my boy helping to celebrate a friends birthday....in his pj's )

******An Update *******

I stand corrected ;)

Happy Friday (?) everyone :)

THE MANIFESTO OF THE IDLE PARENT...

We reject the idea that parenting requires hard work
We pledge to leave our children alone
We reject the rampant consumerism that invades children from the moment they are born
We read them poetry and fantastic stories without morals
We drink alcohol without guilt
We reject the inner Puritan
We don’t waste money on family days out and holidays
An idle parent is a thrifty parent
An idle parent is a creative parent
We lie in bed for as long as possible
We try not to interfere
We play in the fields and forests
We push them into the garden and shut the door so we can clean the house
We both work as little as possible, particularly when the kids are small
Time is more important than money
Happy mess is better than miserable tidiness
Down with school
We fill the house with music and merriment
We reject health and safety guidelines
We embrace responsibility
There are many paths

More play, less work

My man, Tom Hodgkinson, has been hard at work (if you're familiar with his ideas, you'll no doubt see the irony in that statement...).  If you are unfamiliar with his work...take a moment or two today to contemplate his (often) tongue-in-cheek truisms.